Hey, Fatty.

In the past year and a half, I have lost and kept off roughly 50 pounds. There wasn't some grand life-altering diet that I picked up, and my physical activity levels haven't increased (possibly decreased?). So, what's my secret? Ah, the simple elegance of IDGAF.

At my peak, I was weighing in at 195 pounds. At 5'7", I was no longer overweight, I was slightly over the obesity line. I didn't really feel obese, whatever that would mean. I did feel fat, though. I felt heavy, I felt blown up. I felt BIG. I felt like people were looking at me with disgust and pity. Our culture is continuously pointing at our bodies, making us compare what we have to what others have, pushing us toward the ideal. Thin is In. I was out.

When I adopted my 'unrelenting optimism' policy, I had to give up a lot of ideas about myself and about others. Tolerance is a difficult thing to have 24/7. There are plenty of days when "You are who you are, and I forgive that." is almost impossible. Days like that, I resort to plan B. I Don't Give A Fuck. IDGAF. In my teens, I was so self-conscious about myself, my body, and the image I put out into the world. If someone made a snide comment about my clothes, my sensitive tiny teen self would have an inner meltdown. This can really put a lot of stress on a person, and it is a SCIENCE FACT that stress is a factor in weight retention.

Don't like my haircut? IDGAF.

Don't like the clothes I wear? IDGAF

Don't like the fact that I'm overweight? Guess what? IDGAF.

As soon as I stopped caring about my weight, it stopped being a problem. I am now sitting semi-comfortably within the 'normal weight' range on the BMI index. This isn't a pat on May's back for beating weight problems, this is about weight discrimination. When I first started losing weight, it came off pretty quickly. The comments I received were unreal.

"You look so GOOD!"

"Oh my God, are you still eating?"

"You're so pretty now!"

Not to mention the excessive attention from male friends who previously had no interest in me than my ability to pwn noobs. Me? ME?! I'm still the same obsessive, neurotic, semi-unhinged girl and having a smaller waistline hasn't changed that. It makes me really uncomfortable when friends and family would talk to me like I am somehow a better person now that I'm thinner. I mean it, literally speaking to me like a more worthy individual based on my body. Is that insane?

I think it has been covered enough that what the media portrays as appealing is fucked up, so I'm not going to beat a dead horse. I want to talk about how overweight people are portrayed.

Fat people are mean. Fat people are lazy. Fat people are dumb. Fat people don't bathe. Can you think of one fictional character that is overweight and NOT a villain or comedic relief? Can you think of a fat man who is a hero? Even rarer, can you think of a fat woman who is sensual? NO, THAT'S GROSS.

Get over it, ladies and gentlemen. We are out there every day, fighting the good fight for equal rights. Down with sexism, down with racism, down with homo and transphobia! We do all this, but we still give that big guy on the bus dirty looks because he doesn't sit comfortably in one seat. That's his body, not yours. He isn't hurting you. The only reason he's bothering you is because you are told to be bothered. There are plenty more factors to a person's size than what they eat. Metabolism, the amount of sleep they get, their bloodline, stress. Being fat doesn't mean a person lacks willpower. Get over it, stop judging him by what you see. Why do you give a fuck?

My own personal struggle with weight hasn't exactly ended. You would think that now that Ms. May was within this 'ideal range' she would be happy. Afterall, she has achieved something women are supposed to STRIVE toward, and she did it without trying.Yeah, it did make me feel pretty good as an overachiever, but something else happened, something worse than being big. A wedge was driven in between myself and a few of my friends. One of the few joys us girls have is being able to be open about our body issues and having one another to comfort them. We are witness to the pains of one another, and that really isn't something my male friends get to do with one another. At least, not when I'm around. Maybe they do. I digress.

When my female friends have insecure moments and confide in me about their displeasure with their hair or their clothes or whatever, its fine. When I have issues with those same things, they have my back. When I get insecure about the fact that there are days you can see my ribs where my cleavage once was, I get venomous stares like I'm bragging. I really am not. When my roommate was still here, I felt like a scavenger in the kitchen. We would spend almost $200 on groceries, and I would have to ensure I was buying at least a few things I knew he didn't like just to be sure there would be something in the house to eat. I do not enjoy that there are times I make my friends feel bad about themselves. I want them to feel beautiful because they are.

I went from being that curvy, sassy girl I was to having the body of a 12 year old. I don't feel sexy, I don't feel desirable. I once received a comment from a loved one that I'm "just not as nice to cuddle anymore." That devastated me. Aren't skinny girls supposed to be an ideal? I am still self conscious, I still worry about belly fat from time to time. I will always have flaws. Well, so what? So do you. So does everyone. I am my toughest critic, but it gets easier. I don't think anyone else in the world (save Scott Miner) would ever notice my eyebrows are uneven or that my toes have hair on the knuckles. Flaws make us wonderful. Stressing out about what other people think of them is a complete waste of time.

Say it with me now, people. IDGAF.