The first thing you must know before you begin to domesticate your yeti is that yetis are indeed wild creatures and may never be perfectly domesticated. If you are reading this in hopes of a perfectly housebroken lap yeti, you may want to reconsider. Yetis are dirty, smelly, crude, territorial creatures that should, at all times, be treated with caution. If training yeti still interests you, check out my helpful hints for you novices.
STEP 1: Acclimatizing your Yeti
Yetis, as I said, are territorial creatures by nature. When you first bring your wild yeti to your home for the first time, be sure to give it plenty of space to explore. Don't be too concerned about your yeti causing any damage to the home. Yetis are only destructive when they feel threatened. the best way to let your new yeti grow accustom to the new surroundings is to sit back in a comfortable chair (you may be there for a while) and focus your attention on something else. You can either read a book, play a video game, or knit if you're any good at it.
Yetis are curious creatures, so expect it to spend quite some time poking about in your things. The most common places your yeti may investigate include, but are not limited to:
-Bookshelves
-DVDs
-Consoles/game collections
-Television
-Computer/internet connection
-Pantry
The kitchen is the only certain place your yeti will spend an extended period of time. Yetis have voracious appetites, so it will be important to plan ahead and have your kitchen stocked for its arrival. Yetis are not particularly picky eaters and it would be to your advantage to have a plethora of snack foods available for it.
The time you will have to wait while your new yeti becomes comfortable in your home will vary. very social yetis may only need as little as ten minutes to have a snack and poke about before they are ready to interact, while the more skittish may need much longer. Fear not, you just need patience. When your yeti is ready, it will come to you, but it is important that you let your yeti make the first move.
STEP 2: Gaining Trust
It is easy to get caught up in the excitement of having your yeti that is willing to interact, but don't be hasty. Before you can tame the beast, the yeti must feel completely comfortable with not only the home, but with you as a master. Don't feel discouraged that your yeti doesn't immediately roll over onto its hairy back and beg for belly rubs. They are a proud species, and you must respect that.
Spend the next few days with your yeti, pay attention to its needs. Make sure it has an ample supply of fresh food and water. Listen to your yeti while it moans and groans about yeti things. A good yeti is more than a pet, it is a companion, but to have a good yeti, you must be an excellent master.
Find common ground with your yeti. It shouldn't be difficult, if you are any sort of yeti fanatic. The most common interests of yetis are science fiction, video games, being right all the time, reading, expensive cigarettes, movies, drinking all the milk, hibernating, and groaning about yeti problems. Talk with your yeti, and laugh at the yeti jokes that aren't that funny. Smile a lot at your yeti.
STEP 3: Asserting Your Dominance
Once you and your yeti have bonded, it may already be time to show it who is boss. A common problem most yeti trainers have is showing the yeti who is boss. It is important to having a good relationship with your yeti that it knows its master, not that it knows it's master. You should not treat your yeti harshly or abuse the poor beast, but you must be quick and fair when correcting poor behaviour. Spare the rod, spoil the yeti.
Your yeti will be able to out muscle you at every turn, so it is important that you plan with cunning. Though most yetis pride themselves on their heightened intelligence, they are still a dim species and easily outwitted. The biggest step of progress you can make with your yeti is convincing it to admit you are right. Your yeti can concede on anything, the subject matter isn't as relevant as the act of admission.
Another common tactic is the accidental injuries your yeti will inflict upon itself when it tries to overpower you physically. Don't be afraid when this happens, it is the yeti's way of trying to win back its role as the alpha. After successful completion of steps 1 and 2, you should have complete faith in your semi-tame yeti not to hurt you. (Note: If your yeti does inflict any intentional injury onto you, it is not meant to be tamed and should be released back into the wild IMMEDIATELY) Yetis, like most feral creatures, wrestle one another for sport, as well as asserting their role within the household hierarchy. Your yeti will win if you let the game go, but an ill-placed elbow or a half-cocked knee and your poor yeti will become the victim of his own excitement.
Stop the game immediately at this point. Your job now is to coddle your poor, hairy monster and kiss its boo-boos better. The idea isn't to make your yeti think that he is in danger in any way. Quite the contrary, when your yeti knows that you wouldn't, you've got yourself a yeti that will, in fact, roll over onto its back for belly rubs. But there is one final step that is, quite possibly, the most pivotal.
STEP 4: Feed the Beast
It is a big step for these creatures to relinquish their crown as the alpha. If there is one thing that can bring your yeti back from the mopey slump it will inevitably find itself in. The answer, for any of you who has met a yeti before, is obviously food.
They say that the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. I don't think that is a scientifically valid, but it certainly applies to your yeti. While your yeti is recovering from the bruising you have just dealt to its ego, it is best to stock your pantry with lots of sweets and yummy treats. For being a surly, lonesome species in the wild, there is very little in life that can keep a yeti down when it has a happy tummy.
Note: the description of yetis in this guide comes from years of experience. Please be sure to always act with caution when handling your yeti. These are ferocious creatures of the wild, not labradoodles.
There, Darcy. Look what I did because of you.
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